New Atheist Shopping Network

Come on down to the New Atheist Shopping Network, now online in all interplanetary time zones and featuring the finest selection of New Atheist gizmos and what-nots this side of the Crab Nebula. Such as the brand new Pocket De-converter. Simpy attach this to your neighbor’s jumper pocket and it starts deconversion pronto, all the while helping to trim their tummy and thin their thighs. I can’t tell you precisely how it works – it’s a trade secret – but I can assure you it acts on the brain and not on the heart.

We’ve also got an assortment of the lovely “Kiss Me, I’m an Atheist” logos in stickers and buttons, and for all you fans of the New Atheist Moon Base, we’ve got all new New Atheist bottle rockets exploding in spectacular patterns of the traditional atheist colors, black and white – no gray areas. Kind of hard to see in the day or night time, it’s true, but absolutely amazing nonetheless.

While you’re here, you might want to take a little time to browse through our selection of best selling New Atheist books, such as the latest from the ex-reverend Gary Latrine, ‘Hell No’, not to mention those perennial hits, Orange Car with Stripes, and Missy Tonight.

And of course, no inventory would be complete without the new Imaginary Friend from World Weary Avengers, Incorporated. Just slip this baby on your wrist and you’re instantly connected to one of their many fine imaginary friends waiting to wirelessly and permanently bond with you and “like” every little thing you say and do. “You Can Do No Wrong” with the Imaginary Friend from World Weary Avengers. Unlike your more traditional imaginary friends, when these guys talk to you, you know you ain’t crazy. They’re totally real!

It’ a brand new world at The New Atheist Shopping Network. We’ve got everything you need, and then some.

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