Fragments from books that don’t exist (50th fragment special edition)

“I know you slept with Jerry,” Ronald said with a sense of detached irony. “You’ve been drawing pictures of his penis all over the kitchen walls.”

“It’s a very nice penis,” Harvey replied in self-defense. “It begs to be immortalized.”

“What did Christina have to say about it? After all, it’s her kitchen.”

“She wanted something more decorative this season. Last year’s pelicans were okay, she said, but she was hoping for something a tad more virile.”

“Like a six-foot penis?”

“Like several six-foot penises,” Harvey said. “Or is it penii? I’m never quite sure.”

“As in the plural of houses being hice?”

“Precisely. I’ll never understand the subtleties of this language. Turkish makes much more sense. Everything is as it should be.”

“So, what is the plural of penis in Turkish?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea.”

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