There has been a remarkable slowdown in the propagation of new last names over the past several generations. While hardly anyone these days is a carter or a smith, there are millions who go by that appellation as casually as if they were. In the meantime, as new occupations have superseded the old at a tremendous rate, the last name industry has not even tried to catch up. Some may attribute this to a neoliberal globalist conspiracy to mire the working peoples of the world in old familiar categories, to keep them blinded to new realities as it were, suppressing the consciousness of real identities while reifying the old and antiquated to mythical status. Where are the Josephine Programmers or Madeleine Techwritersdotters of today? Where are the Johnny Truckers, the Harold Baggers, the Elizabeth Receptionists? This entire era has been whitewashed, with genuine labor obfuscated and erased from he chronicles of history. It will take an organized campaign of committed peoples of the language-speaking world to rectify this terrible tragedy. Who will begin? Who will take a stand? Who will change their name to correspond with their actual place in today’s corrupt and bigoted marketplace? It will take some brave souls, heroic partisans, stepping into the breach to preserve and protect the dignity of labor in this time and for all time.